Wife skills to set yourself apart from dating competition?

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

If you've been reading my blogs then you've heard me talk about wife skills which are important to have if you want a family.

"Do I have to, and why?"

No, you don't need to. It depends on what you want. If you are a career woman then wife skills may not be as important as you will continue to work on your career. In this case you'll be looking for a true equal partner for life including, housework, childcare, and providing.

"So if I'm a career woman I don't need to read this?"

I would still suggest reading and not because I'm the author. The wife skills I'll talk about here will be skills that can save your family money. Saving money is essential to achieve that stability and comfort every one wants, even in tough times. So let's get started!

These skills are not in order, and you don't need to have everyone of them. These are skills that will help your family run smoothly and help you achieve your goals long term.

Childcare: Sound redundant? Well this is actually very important to state. Taking care of children is a huge responsibility. You may be thinking, "I've watched family's kids and I am very good at it. I'll be fine." If you believe this you may feel like your hit in the face when it comes to your children. First, every child has a different personality that comes with different reactions to situations. Two, with other people's children, you can give them back. You'll find yourself stressed as the job of being a parent never ends. Three, you may be able to help other family members but as soon as you have kids, the support you gave either won't be or can't be given back. Four, while you can think logically about injuries of other children, you may find your self freaking out over a cut on the forehead because it looks worse than it is. You may find yourself being over protective when your child is climbing because you don't want them to get hurt. Five, there will be new problems that you haven't been exposed to with other children as you are with your kids.

"You make it sound like it's too much work."

It is a lot of work. It's a title that never ends and you only get promoted with more responsibility through out your life. (grandparent, great grandparent and so on) It is also the most rewarding experiences you can ever experience. The laughter, joy and pride as your child grows into an adult is something unique and beautiful. It'll show you perspectives that you have long forgotten after becoming an adult as you watch them wonder about the rain, rainbows and even their own reflection.

While you can never be fully prepared for being a parent, the best you can do is research. I don't mean go get a book. I mean typing online to see what other parents' biggest struggles are and how they solved them. Asking family that has kids. This won't be all the solutions but it gives you a better understanding of how other people managed to deal with difficult situations. How did they solve the gate problem when their child starting climbing it? This will not only give you an idea as a parent of what to expect but also give you different solutions to try in case doesn't work.

Budgeting: This is essential for anyone, not just being a wife or stay at home mom. Not just to organize bills but also to live below your means.

"Why would I want to live below what I can afford?"

Living below your means frees up money to put away in savings, retirement, Roth RIA, investments for your family's future. According to a recent study, 1 million dollars will last you 19 years for one person. So if you retire at 65 then you'll be good on average till you are 84. ( https://www.personalcapital.com/blog/retirement-planning/can-you-retire-with-a-million-dollars/#:~:text=A%20recent%20study%20determined%20that,a%20number%20of%20different%20factors. )

"What if I live till I'm 90? Wait, does this mean I have to work till I'm 65? I wanted to retire earlier."

It depends on how much money you put away and how you put it away. This is where living below your means becomes extremely important. By living below your means you will be able to put more money away than if you don't. For instance, buying a new car that you need to pay 200$ on every month along with the normal upkeep costs may not be in your best interest. Do you need a new vehicle for your job? Or can you work with an older vehicle that you can buy outright, or don't have to pay on as long? Can you do work on your own vehicle or know someone that can and won't cost you too much? If you can buy a vehicle outright, that is 200$ you can put into your future every month compared to before. That would be 2,400 per year you can put away for emergencies or towards retiring earlier. Many people get new cars to keep an image of doing well, without realizing how much money they may end up wasting because the cars depreciate over time. Not to mention, does looking the part mean anything if at the end you need to work longer because you didn't save enough?

"Okay, so how do I learn to budget?"

Well good news is that you just need to do some research. You could take a class if you want, but it may not teach you everything you need to do. Do your own research and learn what depreciating and appreciating assets are so you can avoid the normal traps the average person falls into. Also getting a budget book will help you a lot to organize your goals by month and year.

This book from Amazon will help anyone who is new as it lays everything you should be thinking about out for you. I use the rose gold one and below are the pictures so you can see what it comes with. I love this one, especially for beginners because it helps explain everything and gives examples. It also comes with budget stickers and cash envelopes.

Time management: Another skill that everyone should know. No matter if you work or are a stay at home mom, time management is essential.

Why?

Time is money. The more time you have, the more money can can potentially make. In a job, the more efficient you are, the more you have to put towards other part of your job so you can work on a promotion. As a stay at home mom, time management will allow you to not only manage the children and household but also will allow you to make time to see where you can save money, or make some money from home with a side hustle. Even if you are driving to work, instead of listening to music, why not listen to an e-book on finances, new skills, or certs that could help you in your career? Cooking dinner? Instead of standing there waiting for the noodles to boil, try doing squats or other exercises so you still are using your time wisely? Time management skills will help you see where you seem to have extra time that you could be using in another way to achieve more in the day.

First aid and health: In my personal opinion, everyone should know something about this topic. Why? Well if you live in America where our hospital bills are the reason 57% of our people are in debt. ( https://www.forbes.com/sites/debgordon/2021/10/13/50-of-americans-now-carry-medical-debt-a-new-chronic-condition-for-millions/?sh=70c3fd595e5d )

So why not learn the basics so you can avoid going to a hospital for something that could have been taken care of at home? Time is money so the less time you waste, waiting in lines to be seen for something that you can take care of, means more time to devote to your future. This is also important for when you have children. It will help you when you can tell something serious is wrong, and can point out the problem. Children, especially young, are not always good at expressing what is wrong, so it is our job as parents to discern and inform the doctor if it's something serious. For instance, if you notice that the child fell and their leg hurts, knowing how to tell if a bone is broken is very important. If the bone is broken, the child needs to be taken right away and will mean less time the child is in pain compared to if you let them walk on it.

As for the health part, our bodies are constantly changing. You may wake up one day to eggs giving you bad gas that is inconvenient or worse. The best way to prepare for this is to keep a food journal or a food sensitivity journal. This will help if there are any sudden changes that your body does not respond well to and you can quickly find the food that caused it, preventing further discomfort or worse. In all, getting a general idea of your health habits, will help you see where you can change to improve your life. If something major happens where you need to see a doctor, you can also take the journal with you to see them so they get an idea of your habits and where they can help. Here is a book that will help with this.

Cooking/cleaning: Yes, yes. I know you've heard it from men before but don't understand why they can't help. Well it depends on your relationship. Whoever is home all the time should be doing the majority of these chores because they are home. This will allow your partner to focus on career and making as much money as possible. If you both work then you still need to know this. Why? Because if you want a partner who is your equal you need to pull equal weight in one way or another. So if you both work then you both should do the chores and caring for the children. All depends on the type of relationship you really want and what type of partner you are trying to attract. Knowing how to cook can also save you money since home cooking is still cheaper and healthier than buying precooked meals.

Gardening: Yes, I know not everyone has a green thumb. If you do though, this can be very important. While most growing can only be done in the spring to summer, depending where you live, the more gardening you can do can be $'s saved. How? Well take growing peppers as an example. Once you pick the peppers, you can then cut them up and freeze them to be used later. They can last 8-10 months in the freezer which would mean less money spent in the winter trying to get fresh peppers all the time. Growing your own food saves money in the summer as you are able to use fresh food from your garden which will help with grocery bills.

Sewing/knitting/Crocheting: Yes I am serious.

"Yeah, I'm not sure if you know but we are in the 21st century."

These skills aren't just for when we didn't have machines to do all of these. It actually saves you money too. How? Ever need to go to a seamstress because those dress pants are too long? Or maybe your man needs a bigger suit jacket because he has broad shoulders but the bigger size makes him look boxy since he doesn't have a beer gut? Any woman or man that work in an atmosphere where you need to wear suits every day will know how much going to seamstress costs and it will depend on how much alteration is needed. Learning how to do this yourself, will not only save you from going to a complete stranger, but save the family money since you can do a simple hem alteration. Knitting and crocheting comes in hand when making blankets, mittens, hats and more to keep family warm. Most blankets cost anywhere from 8$ to 20 or more. Knitting can also help with making clothes for children. This can be anything from reusing your old clothes or getting good fabric cheep at thrift stores to make new shirts, dresses, pants and more. It could also help with Christmas or birthday gifts by making stuffed animals or dress up items they can use. For example, we all know the pink tax, especially on little girl's toys. Here is a picture of a few of her dress up hats I made her for Christmas that she loved and costed us 5$ in total to make.

Budget shopping: This means, don't be afraid to shop at thrift stores ladies! Any amount of money you can save by not going to retail stores and spending top $ will help you invest in your future. Looking for deals in grocery stores, seeing if going to two saves you enough money after gas that you can put the extra savings away. Not worrying about your friends who have the newest bag or newest model of vehicle. Again, appearances don't matter if you are still working at 60 years old, hoping to retire in 5 years and then hope the money lasts long enough for you to enjoy your last few decades instead of knowing you'll be fine because you invested properly.

Knowing when to treat yourselves: This sounds like a contradiction, I know. It's been proven that if you focus too much on saving instead of giving yourselves a break now and then, you'll run out of steam. So knowing when to put family time first and spend time together will help strengthen your bonds and remind you to live in the present. Why? Because you will never get lost time back. You need to be able to balance preparing for future with spending time together as a family. Lost time can never be retrieved and there are no do overs. As a wife, or the woman of the home, it is up to us to remind our career driven men to take a step back and hug those children. Regret is the most debilitating feeling that follows us through out our lives. You don't want that feeling due to not enough time spent with family. Even if it's just going to the park together for a few hours, or maybe getting a new 20$ movie to watch together, there are many ways to spend time as a family that won't ruin your budget.

Laughing at the situation: This one is more a suggestion than really a skill. Sometimes when everything seems to be going wrong, instead of crying you just laugh out loud at the irony or how desperate the situation seems. This is actually very healthy. Not every variable can be controlled. So understanding things are out of your control and then being able to laugh even when you feel trapped will help release some of the tension. It may even release enough to allow you to see another way that wasn't clear before.

Well this was a long blog but I hope it helps anyone who may need it. As I said earlier you don't need all these skills but these are skills that would make you stand out against the competition in the dating market as "wife" material. Why wasn't career on there? 57.8% of women are in the job market. ( https://19thnews.org/2022/01/women-workforce-pandemic-202/#:~:text=end%20of%202021.-,Overall%2C%20women%20ended%202021%20at%20the%20highest%20rate%20of%20labor,3.1%20million%20went%20to%20men.)

This means having a job is no longer a unique aspect of being a woman. So why not try to stand out from all those women by having wife skills that men will appreciate you knowing? After all, it's tough out there ladies. Why not try something different, if your way isn't working?

As always, take hold of your own future.

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