Should I stay Friends with my Ex?

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

The most common question many people have on their minds at the end of a relationship. Is it possible? I know some of you are yelling, "Yes!" because you've been friends with your ex for years. You may even go couples bowling or fishing as a big family. Congratulations, you are the special outliers. For everyone else, the good news is that I don't rely on outliers in my posts. So, lets discuss.

Is it possible to be friends with an ex? Yes. Technically. The biggest understanding when you decide down this road, is that both of you understand it will never happen between you. You need to be on the same page on where it went wrong and why it just isn't possible. If you started out as friends, then there is a possibility it can just go back to friendship. This does not mean friends with benefits!

You also need 6 months to a year to heal from the break up. So take time or talk to your now ex about space till then. Even if you ended the relationship well, there may be feelings that affect you, hiding away deep inside. It's better take the time to work on yourself, cry if needed, talking it out with someone you trust until then. You never know how you are feeling and may find yourself that type of person who is a bit more attached than you thought. This is also the perfect time to mull over the relationship and see if there was too much hurt to be able to be friends. If you are uneasy with seeing your ex with a new partner, then you need more time to heal. Established what went wrong and why? This not only helps the healing process, but also allows you to see if there were any mistakes that you can avoid in the future. Make sure to actually take responsibility where needed or this outcome will probably happen again.

Last but very important. Boundaries. This means clear, bold lines that can not be crossed. Again, no friends with benefits. Keeping meetings in public, agreeing to only talk on social media and so forth will help these boundaries stay strong to prevent jealousy or rekindled feelings.

Now you may be thinking, how do you know when it's not a good idea?

1. Betrayal/meal ticket

This is a bit obvious. If someone cheats on you or was using you as a meal ticket, do not stay friends. Forget their number, block them on social media, and if mutual friends try to talk to you about the ex, put boundaries down or drop them too. No need to put yourself through it, and you probably won't et closure even if you asked. This type of people also have a tendency to appear back in your life after their life failed or they see you as a sudden success story. You don't need the drama. Just let it go. They don't deserve you in their life.

1. Toxic

Another obvious one. If you two were throwing knives, pans, glasses at each other then don't stay friends. Even if the toxic was one sided, no matter gender, end it and move on. You may need a bit more help from family or a support group with this one, especially if your ex was controlling or abusive. Work on yourself and learn to respect your self so this doesn't happen again. Depending on the situation, you may even want to delete all social media if they are known for stalking their exes.

2. Too many hurt feelings

This one is where one side of the relationship was onboard while the other wasn't taking it seriously. This type of end can be messy as the one side is still trying to work things out while the other is trying to get out. This can also leave unanswered questions like, "What did I do wrong?" It'd be easier to cut contact and take time away. These can be harder than the first two because the other party was just not as into you as you were to them. It may take some exercising or ice cream /movie nights but you can make it through this. Plus these types will love coming back into your life claiming they made a mistake and they want to give it a try again. Don't let them. If they didn't know what they had to begin with than don't let them try to mess with your feelings again.

3. One of you is still attached

This will be the one who doesn't understand what not talking or "space" means. Say you two decide to end it, they are crying, and you mention about 6 months to a year of no communication. Then three days later you get a text that says,

"Just want you to know I'm thinking about you."

They may also be the quiet stalkers online or the one to ask your mutual friends all about how you are doing. If either of you is still attached and this end came as a blow, end it.

4. Severe Chemistry

No friends with Benefits! Okay, so besides that, you also don't want to stay friends if you two started off with chemistry. This relationship would mean that you two really don't know that much about each other. Maybe your meet ups were only at night or over 90% of your meet ups ended in the bed (or a similar situation). Pretty much if the majority of your relationship was chemistry then you may find it hard to stay friends and not cross the, "No Friends with Benefits" boundary line. So for less confusion and to prevent rekindled feelings, it may be best to let that relationship remain in the past.

5. Back burner

The back burner is the spot where an ex puts you as a "Just in case" or "The back up." This is the one place you do not want to be. They will send you texts and then stop talking to you for a while. Yet when their other dates fall through they will hit you up and text smoothly to get you to go meet them again. Then as soon as they get something better they block you or go silent. If you get a sense that your ex is stringing you along then just block them on everything and stay away. No one, no matter gender or age, deserves to be the back up plan.

I hope that helps anyone who may need it! If you have a opinion or a story of your own about this topic, leave a comment and let me know what you think. Have a topic for a blog post? Go to my website and e-mail me and I will thank you when I type the blog. Want to help support me? Share the blog, subscribe to the e-mail, or become an affiliate to help bring traffic. In a world where having an opinion that differs from the current ideologies, traffic helps me stay independent through ads shown on my site. If you want to make a donation go my website where you will see a donate button through Paypal. Thank you to all of my current subscribers and affiliates for the support as I work to bring you new perspectives, or even just a fun read. Stay tuned for the next blog tomorrow!