Important Questions before becoming serious

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

Thinking about becoming serious? Before getting serious with your partner there are questions you should ask before hand so you have a good ide of what the relationship will look like. Why? No one likes being in a long term relationship and then finding out you disagree on a major deal breaker. This will lead to frustration and a feeling and wasted time in a relationship. Ready? Let's go.

Do you want kids and how many: This is important for anyone in a relationship. "He might change his mind." um no, not likely. Most people know of they want kids or not. This is not something you can change. "She'll change her mind if I show her how annoying my nephews are." Nope. She'll say it's how they were raised. So figure out if you are both on the same page as them on this topic, because for many, this is a deal breaker and not one that changes. Make sure you are on board with a general idea of how many. Do they only want one while you want three? Talk about it. Is it really a deal breaker or are they willing to consider more. If you find out that they have drastic differences than you on this then it's time to move on.

What do you consider to be cheating: This is important. If you are not on the same page, there will be pain later on. In fact go further than most. If you don't like the idea of your spouse dressing up sexy and going to a bar at night, explain that this is not okay. Want them to delete dating aps, then tell them this. Not interested in them looking at porn? Make it clear at the beginning. Everyone has a different idea of what cheating is. Some believe it's the actual act while some look at actions that tend to lead to cheating. So figure this out ahead of time before feelings get hurt.

What is marriage to you: This may seem obvious, yet you'd be surprised how different opinions are on this. Some may see this more as a tittle, a declaration of love or a promise made between two souls. Why is this important? Isn't it all the same thing? No. If your views on this differ, you may find problems later on. Are they too focused on marriage as the end goal or do they see it as as stepping stone for a longer relationship. How do they feel about divorce? Are they asking for a prenup? These are important to figure out for later in the relationship.

Roles in the relationship: This doesn't mean just chores. Who will be the provider, who will be the homemaker? Will you both work? What about when you have kids? There is a recent change in opinions on schooling children now. Many women who were forced to stay home during the pandemic have opted to stay home to help their kids' learning. Others have decided to change schools or turned to online learning. Knowing how you want your kids to learn will help answer this question. Instead of waiting until you live together to talk about roles, figure it out now.

Job/career: Who will have a job or career? Will you both have one? Would you be okay if they are making money from home? Are you okay if they need to travel for work. Along the same lines as the question above, these are important to the long term success of a relationship. Say you get a job that is too good to pass up but your partner is not okay with you traveling for long periods. This will create friction that could have been avoided with just an honest conversation.

The past: This is at least important before marriage but if can, should be figured out before a serious relationship. Honesty is the best key here. Say she portrays as the very religious woman and then you find out that she's had more partners than you by the power of three. You need to find out if you are okay with this and why there is such a drastic difference from what she was to what she is now. Maybe he has line of past lovers and after you're married one calls to inform you he has a kid. Knowing one's past will show honesty and prepare you for possible issues later on.

Debt: Another part of the honesty of relationships. How much debt do they have? Will they expect you to help cover it? Are they trying to reduce their debt? This not only shows if they have any problem with understanding finances but also if they see debt as inevitable. Does this match how you feel? Be careful with this one as many women and males in this current dating atmosphere are looking for someone to take care of their debt.

Time apart: See how you both view spending time with friends and family without the other. This will show if the other is a needy person or someone who needs your constant validation to feel good about themselves. This can lead down a very strained relationship because one side is demanding more than the other, causing the person giving to feel drained and mentally exhausted.

These are again basic questions you should figure out before starting a serious relationship. Why waste the time and energy on key points that will not change or misunderstandings that could cause pain later on.

As always, take your future into your own hands.