How to get dates with online dating

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

As someone who can say she is older than google and remembers the "You've got mail!" from the old computers I've seen the world change drastically from traditional dating to online. This can be a great thing if you happen to have a busy schedule and don't have time to go out every night to find your match. There is a ongoing problem when it comes to online dating which separates the successes to the failures and causes online outcry at the unfair "advantage" the success stories have. Is this true? Nope. It actually comes to a few behaviors that if changed can improve your chances. Interested yet? Great, let's discuss!

Your dating profile is advertisement: This is often forgotten so you'll find these profiles that have simple answers to questions. Example? Look at this question and the answer many people put.

What is the riskiest thing you've done in your life?

Online dating

I scream internally at this basic response. Why? Even if this is a new step for you and it is a risk you need to say why. So instead try a response like this:

What is the riskiest thing you've done in your life?

Putting yourself out there is scary. Seeing the long term marriages from my family around me made me realize that the risk is worth the reward.

See the difference?

So when looking at your profile take an outsider approach. Study it. Does it portray what you want it to? Look at it like you'd look at a resume, because you are trying to be noticed. Answer questions fully, with thought behind it. Pick your pictures carefully. For instance if you are looking for a long term commitment, put more pictures up of you with family, or pets. Advertise yourself. Don't just list demands. In fact before you even get into what you want, say what you have to offer. If you want more about how to answer questions go to my blog about dating app questions: https://www.classicallady21.com/post/dating-app-questions

No social skills: "It's online, I don't need to worry about my conversation as long as my picture is great." YES you do. This why the older generations do so well at dating. Because they didn't have online so if they wanted to go to a friend's house they asked. If a guy was interested, he took his shot and asked the girl to go on a date. If someone wanted a job, we walked in and applied with a paper application and often got an interview on the spot. We didn't have the online shield so when communicating we had to be aware of how our conversation was taken. Sound scary? Only at first. We learned to take rejection from others, no matter if it was a job, dating life, or friends in general. This is where you need to improve if you are struggling online. It is not some invisible box that will protect you from harm. If you do not have great social skills then you will fail. You need to treat online like talking to someone face to face. So when you go out, try starting up a conversation with a stranger. It could even be at the grocery store. Get some experience talking about different subjects. Heck you could even ask the person if they have any advice on how you could improve. You'd be surprised how willing someone would be. Why? We all know how scary it can be talking to random strangers at first and by you asking you are showing you care about how you are perceived. So take a chance and get some social skills before trying dating apps.

Need more help? Check these books out!

Your messages are the start of a conversation: I have seen it many times over. Men, if the message you send a girl is "Hey" and nothing else you need to stop this. This will fail about 90% of the time. Same goes to you too ladies. You need to stand out. Instead look at the profile and pictures and find a conversation starter.

"Hey I saw that picture of you bowling. What's your highest score?"

"Random question, Mountains or beach and why?"

Try to think of conversation starters that open the door for more communication. Stay away conversations that can be answered with one worded answers or "yes/no" Make sure to have a response ready if you get an answer.

Another part of this is to remember that the conversation goal is to go on a date. So don't get stuck on a long conversation otherwise you could end up being friend zoned. Yes you want mutual interest but don't let the conversation go on for two hours without bringing up a date idea. Moving the conversation towards an in person meeting is important, just don't ask her/him out in the first message.

Online Dating is not a race for the most hearts/likes: This is not what I mean when I say dating is a competition. You should not be focused on likes or hearts, roses and such. You are looking for a long term relationship. Maximizing your matches, or trying to counter balance that women have in online dating (this is due to there being more men on the dating apps then women) will not increase your chances at find someone. You can't apply economics to dating success. This is not a product market place. Not a Walmart. Products don't have feelings, people do. So instead of focusing on having the most liked picture on the app, try making sure your profile is filled out with what you have to offer and what you are looking for. I don't mean a laundry list of demands either. At the same time, don't get discouraged if you only have a few likes compared to others. You may have your profile less generic so you are limiting your choices. "Isn't this a bad thing?" Unless you are looking for a casual hook up, then no. You don't want to get stuck in the trap of none of your prospects are what you are looking for because your profile has no substance. You are looking long term, not a short fling. Again if you need help with this then look up my blog on dating app questions. https://www.classicallady21.com/post/dating-app-questions

Becoming comfortable with being alone: "I'm on this dating app because I don't want to be alone!" Yes I'm aware of that. I'm a woman, not blind. The problem is that if you are feeling an over whelming feeling of loneliness then the dating aps will work against you. How? It comes from that mindless swiping. The less matches you get, the more depressed you feel and the more you rely on these apps.

"So it's the app's fault."

That is not what I said. I said the mindless swiping will encourage the feelings you already have. For instance, think about when you are depressed and go out to drink. Do you feel better or worse after? Some of you may feel worse as soon as you start. It's the same thing. You need to feel comfortable to be alone before you can go looking for someone. Why? The end goal is to meet new people you may not have met otherwise. If you instead start treating it like a quick way to get rid of your depressed, lonely feelings then you will fail as you will start to depend on the app to ease those feelings. It's a round about cycle that will spin you down towards worse depression. With the comfort of being able to be alone, you will also be able to handle the rejection better instead of getting angry at a no response.

Stop pushing blame on others: It's easy to blame others for the reasons why you can't find success. "Women only like one type of man." "Men only want one thing." "This is a hook up app only."

Instead of blaming others and falling down the rabbit hole, take responsibility. Figure out what you could be missing or need improvement on. Ask others in your life to look at your profile and ask them if they would want to talk to that person. Try to find someone that is not in the dating market themselves as they will not be your competition and will be more willing to give you an honest answer. If you need to work on your social skills then research and apply. Talk to strangers at the store, at work, where ever and try to get some feed back if you can. Is your expectations too high? Do you have a list of demands? Most of the normal problems with online dating can be fixed by working on social skills and improving your profile. So instead of getting angry at others, research and see how you can improve.

Building and focusing on meaningful relationships: When you focus on meaningful relationships you'll find that all the previous steps, you've already done. It's called investing. In a relationship you are not only investing in yourself but another person as well. So put as much effort into building a meaningful relationship as you would searching for a new home, or a new job. Not everyone will work out, just like not every job will be your career job. Doing these steps will help you finally delete those apps.

As always, take hold of your own future before it slips through your hands.

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