A note to a few stay at home moms, stop complaining.

Dear stay at home moms,

It's time for the truth that you'll want to stab me for. Before you go into a rant fit and lie about me on Facebook, I am a homemaker.

"You mean a stay at home mom?"

No, I mean I'm a homemaker. I am not going to play your game of changing the meanings and creating new words to suit your needs. I know what you claim to be the difference. You believe that a stay at home mom title is a bigger emphasis on the children, than your husband. In other words, you wouldn't dare ever admit that your man receives any kind of respect or devotion from you. I know the real reason behind this. You are playing into the whole victim mentality and don't have enough of a spine to stand up to anyone who talks bad about your man. So let's just stop playing word games and sell it as it is. You are also a homemaker, unless all you do is take care of your children and nothing else. As in no house work, no budgeting, no cooking, and so forth. Then well, yeah. You are JUST a stay at home mom. To everyone else, homemaker does not mean that you only take care of the kids. It means you make a home. You are the lady of the house. As in no one comes in without you knowing. Stay at home mom isn't all most moms do at home either. Homemaker isn't just for women, unless you are trying to be sexist to the men who stay at home. It's for the role of organizing, managing, and making the home. So let's stop putting such a negative light on the term homemakers because it's not coming from those of us who do stay home. It comes from those who hate us because we do stay home instead of working a job. If someone snuffs their nose at you for using the term, they are the one who hates you for not working or is envious of you for being their for your children.

Now that titles are out of the way. I've been in both positions. I've worked while one of my children were young and I stayed home for the other two. It sucks when you miss their first everything because you are working or sleeping depending on the work schedule. When you are so tired that you would prefer to buy them a cake, instead of making them one homemade like you always used to. This was the moment when I woke up to the fact I was prioritizing my job over my children and it cut deep. After covid, I became a stay at home mom again. While it wasn't by choice, it was a joy. Seeing my kids every day, stealing hugs, seeing their joy when I made them pancakes or French Toast instead of cereal. I have worked with and known women who wanted nothing more to be stay at home moms, but couldn't and regretted it. This isn't a small regret. This is a regret that follows you till you die and beyond. It is a blessing to be able to be a stay at home mom during a time when one income doesn't always cut it.

Now I'm tired of being in the grocery line and you comment on how beautiful my kids are to which I smile because I love and adore my kids. Then you mention how hard being a parent is hard and I agree. Then it all goes down hill while you complain about how little sleep you get and how you wish you were paid to be the maid, chief, cleaning lady, and book keeper. You are not paying me to listen to your problems and I can't relate.

Yes I can relate to having a fever of 103 while all three kids are throwing up sick and need mommy. Yes I can relate to how hard and messy potty training is. Yes I can relate to the struggle of telling your child something only to have them do the exact same thing you told them not to 3 minutes later. I can relate to the teething stage, and the monsters under the bed. I know what it's like to never be able to keep anything high enough away from your kids because they seem to sprout up every few months. I know the struggle when you forget to talk to adults because your life consists of a 1 year old's conversation. I know. I can relate to how hard it can be because I live it.

I can't relate to your complaining. I am blessed for my beautiful and healthy children, and I am grateful to my man for taking on the role of protector and provider so I can be home. In fact many of us homemakers are happy. We would never change our choice to be there for our kids. Yes it's hard but we are happy to do it for the joys of being the pillar of support to our kids during their worst and best. I hate to be the one to tell you this but we don't want to hear you. Especially in the store while waiting in line. You won't get pity from me.

Homemakers are already struggling with people that decided that we need to contribute more to society than no job or only a part time job. You complaining does not help our situation, in fact it makes it worse. I'm not talking about when you talk to your parents on how much the kids remind you of your stubborn self as a child, or talking to friends about the latest mess, or even talking to your man about solving a new stage the kids entered into. (Hint: most stages you just have to ride out till the end.)

The difference between the above examples is you only talk about the negative. We always have something good to say about it. For instance, the new mess. I've been amazed at my kids' ingenuity when wanting to get candy down as they pile their toys in a big pile to get to the cupboards. Not to mention the fact that they worked together to do it. The stubbornness, I'm actually glad they have that side as it means they will question everything and find their own answers to solve problems. As for new stages, since every year seems to be a new one, the why stage is the current hardest as we try not to say, "Because I said so." I instead count to 50 in my head as I do my best to answer every question. No it doesn't always work but 80% is a great stat as far as I'm concerned.

So instead of complaining about your life loud enough for two lines next to you in the grocery store to hear your monologue, why not try to find the positives in everything you are complaining about? Not only will it help those around you but also help you feel better about yourself. Why not write a book, or a blog, or a you tube channel? Try starting your own business, start a garden, or a hobby? If you sill can't find the ability to smile at least once a day while being a homemaker, then why not go back to work? Just stop the complaining, especially in the stores. You are not paying us to sit there and listen to your issues with your life while Walmart is attempting to make us work for free with self check out.

Sincerely,

Classical Homemaker